The other night I was making out with your best friend and gave him a hand job while spending the night at your house on your bed. He didn’t touch me that much before but from the boner he had, I knew what he wanted. The next day you paid for all three of us to go to Warped Tour together and were all over me like I was all over your best friend the night before. To make matters worse is that I don’t regret it; your best friend is a better kisser than you anyways.