17293.) for three years i thought i loved my boyfriend. and when we were alone in my room after having a hardcore make-out session, and just catching our breaths, i looked at him. his head on my chest, his eyes closed, and his hair fucked. and i ran my fingers over his bare shoulder and i knew, that i did love him. i believed it more than i believed in rain or sky or life. and i couldn't look away. i cried right there and he thought he did something wrong. and every time he told me he loved me i just kissed him. i couldn't bring the proper response out, the feeling was overwhelming. i'm sorry, i think all those i love you's weren't true. but they are now.
17283.) I'm contemplating turning down a guy who is possibly into me at prom ... because he's not the guy I want. That guy is 3000 miles away, has met me once and doesn't care I exist. He'll never come for me and I just don't know what to do. Is it stupid not to take this opportunity?
17288.) you're a bitch. fuck you for going out with some new motherfucker five days after you broke up with my brother. fuck you for checking him out when you were still with my brother & standing next to him. & fuck you for acting like he did something wrong. you're a slut & i'm glad my mom likes calling you a bitch.
17296.) There's this girl. I liked her and she liked me. It was nice. She was my best friend and we both promised that we wouldn't lose each other. Then we drifted away for a bit and she didn't like me anymore.
The reason I’m posting this secret though is that I hate what I have to do right now. She wants to be friends still, but I am distancing myself from her: It isn’t because I hate her, but it’s because if we acted just the way we were I would be massively in the friend-zone.
So the process begins: texts go from every day to every week, conversations where we would be talking about nothing and having a blast now are just periodical “Oh hey how’s life? Really, that’s cool.” Every great memory from our past now has to be forgotten so that I stop having wild crazy fantasies of me thinking that I still have a chance to win her over with one last hopeless romantic shot in the dark.
When we do finally meet face-to-face again it will be different. A wave here and there, maybe some small talk on the way to class, but I can’t get emotionally attached again.
Ask anyone, while rejection sucks, the number one thing that’s worst in the world is being in the friend zone and knowing you’ll never get out. So when school starts again I’m going to have to be an indifferent asshole to you, mostly because I don’t want you to experience what most others go through in that situation, but also to protect myself when the time comes that you find someone you want to commit to.
I don’t want to do it, but it’s the only way that we can be friends.
17281.) I'm not in love but I could fall so in love with you. There's no reason you would ever look twice at me but I could spend forever looking at you. Not just because you're 'hot'. Because I know there is so much more that face. Because we are so alike and you are perfect for me and because I just want to be with you. You don't even see me.
17290.) i even lie in my diaries. i embellish things & write my feelings out of proportion. in reality, i am a simple content girl with a decent looking future. but my diary doesn't have to know that. sometimes i write what i wish i felt.
17276.) You IMed me the other day, and asked me if I missed you, I was being honest and I told you yes. You didn't say anything after that. I told you that I'd talk to you again and to take care, you said okay. How do you think that makes me feel? I went through so much shit for you, I cried my eyes out for you. I stayed up till five a.m. to help you with you problems, when YOU were crying. After all that bullshit, I DO MISS YOU. I counted on you, and you were the only one I really trusted. I clicked with you so fast. And now, it's like we're not even friends. We planned on seeing each other in August, now I don't even know anymore. Those 11 hour conversations on the phone, Oh boy. Tell me what did those mean to you. Your cute text messages, waking up early in the morning just to call me before school. I miss it, but you confuse me so much. I can't get a simple, hey how are you? That's bs. & Now I sit around wondering what to do. I even wonder how you are sometimes.. i! f only things could be the same, i'd ask you.
17256.) I've told 3 people about how I feel about my dad and fathers day and why. None of them cared. I'm beginning to find it hard to trust people. I want to tell someone that cares, but I don't think anyone will.
17257.) When I was five I had a best friend. Ever since I went to a new school at six, I never saw her again. I still have a picture of us from preschool graduation. I'm now 15. I wonder what she's up to.
17265.) Your tears are fake. Stop the play. All 3 of us were BestFriends. Remember? But you two HAD to go against me. Thanks. & Now that i moved miles away, you start caring? You gotta be kidding. At least you have, your other "BestFriend". Yeah, the one who brakes your confident. The one who was never there for you, unlike me. I was there for you trough EVERYTHING. Even the times you made me feel like shit. But apperantyl when someone askes who's your BestFriend, you point at her. I'm done. I don't care anymore. Goodbye you worthless piece of shit.
17255.) I watch episodes of The O.C. and wish my life was like theirs, in the sense that I had a romance like Marissa Cooper and Ryan Atwood, or Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts. But I know it'll never happen to me. I mean...it's me.
17270.) my mother is dying. my dads an alcoholic. my friend just got cancer. i have an eating disorder. i just lost my best friend. my family is running out of money. and it pisses me off when other people think their life is bad.
17247.) I feel terrible about this, but I always think about it. I want something terrible to happen to you just once. You get everything and you don't deserve any of it. You're a bitch, and I just want your life to come crashing down because then, you'll be getting what you deserve.
17251.) you make manage to make me feel like crap every single day, but still i stay. i hate that i love you as much as i do. i hate that i let you get away with hurting me constantly. sometimes i feel id be better off dead.
17264.) Im sixteen and ive still never really had a real relationship, but the only thing i really want in life is to to sit on the couch and cuddle with the person i like, thats it. It kills me when i see my friends abuse their opportunity to enjoy it, while i sit on the other side of the couch alone.
17258.) My friends hate you. They told me not to fall for you but i did, and you hurt me more then once in return. Yet, I always forgave you and always will. They need to get used to you, because I am not giving up on you even though I should.
17273.) I tend to shy away from what I really want. I dissect it, see how it works. What it will do to me, for me, against me, and I hate it. I mean, I can't stop. This is why I'm not happy. I try to avoid pain, pretending I'm saving myself when, in reality, it only hurts more. I act as though I'm saving myself in some sick way. I'm too afraid to stop, though. I think that if I can't control anything, I won't make it out alright.
17263.) I was never abused. I have a good life, with parents who both love me very much. My friends seem to like me, and I like them. I've even got a potential romantic interest in the works. But despite all this, I'm often struck with crippling despair. I don't know why I am, but it terrifies me.